I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
