I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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