I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize