so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
