I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
