the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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