the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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