He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
honey bunches of taint.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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