Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
my liver is dry heaving
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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