i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I am mentally ready for anal.
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