i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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