I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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