Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
