Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
