OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
