I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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