Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
