evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
it's great music for shaving your balls
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
i out mim tonsoeep
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
