You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
