Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Randomize
