this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
