Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Verdict: uncircumcised.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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