awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
