Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Dear god my vagina.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
