You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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