we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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