the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
