the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
