I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I love having hate sex.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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