I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
