3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
