How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
