I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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