Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Semen is not good for contacts.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
