so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
