So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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