The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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