I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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