i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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