a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
