the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
