This girl is more easily done than said...
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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