I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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