Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
