You just made me feel so damn special
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
