Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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