Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
