I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
