pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
