Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
