Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
