brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
did i just pee glitter
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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