someone owes me an orgasm
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
