no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
as a side note pls kill me
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
