Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
