i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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