We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
