btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
