why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
