why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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