Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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