i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
