I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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