the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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