You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
