haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
