Your face is a jimmy john
Only a mothe r could love this liver
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize