Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
