We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
