I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
