The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
