Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
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