So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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