I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
