We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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