I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize