i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
