He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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