so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize