I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
