I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
