Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
