That's intense
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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