my soul wont recognize me after tonight
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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