im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
