if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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