we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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