words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
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