On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
