dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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