My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize