How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Randomize
