He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
