I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
