what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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