I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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