she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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