just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
