Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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