i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
we should paint friendship bongs
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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