It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I am one with the molecules
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
