I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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