I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
