but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
No I am not eating basil off your cock
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Randomize
