In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
