haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
