i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
The beer is more important than you right now.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
