I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
