I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
