either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
