I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize