i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
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