I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
